Friday, December 30, 2011

#Reverb11: Insightful Peace

"Describe a moment in which you felt at peace, gained insight of your situation, and/ or realized everything would be okay."

Every day of my life, I stress over all the details. Its just who I am. Its what I've done since I lived at home with my parents and siblings. My home life wasn't always ideal, and I grew up far too fast, but I adapted. When I lived at home, I took care of my parents when they drank too much, I made sure my brother and I were fed and had our homework done, I made sure my baby sister had what she needed. Once my mom quit drinking, things started to get easier for me, until I packed up everything I owned and trekked off to college. And since then, I stress over everything. I often feel like things will never go the way I want. I never truly feel at peace. 

My last relationship lasted nearly 5 years. It was horrendous and destructive. There was not a peaceful moment in the entire relationship. When I finally left, it took so long to gain back my individuality. Shortly after I did, and I opened up to people, I met Josh. We have great times, but still i panic about every little thing. mainly financial. I want great things in life. Not necessarily expensive things, just great in MY eyes. 

This year was a tough one. The economy hit us and for most the year, Josh worked on ly part time, and just barely enough to make sure there was gas in the car to GET to work and help pay for groceries. After our roommate screwed us over and bailed on us, we've struggled every month. In October, Josh got a great job! Full Time! Days! Excellent pay! Benefits!!! but it was short lived and after 3 weeks they let him go. 

It was at that moment, that day, that I let everything go. On any normal day, I would have had a complete panic attack! I would have freaked out and gone into crazy mode. Worry about rent, bills, insurance, car stuff, food, student loan payments.... but it was that moment where everything just washed away and I thought "well, this is the universe saying something huge. This is God's plan, he obviously wants this, and I just can't fight it anymore". 

I'm blessed to have a wonderful job that pays enough that I can finally afford everything on my own. We don't get to do fun stuff too often, but its only a short time before I can tweak our budget to allow us a night out every once in a while. After being let go, Josh decided it was time for him to go back to school. For the first time in our time together, I felt like things were finally going in the right direction. We've been together almost 3 years, and battled our way through every obstacle life has thrown us! We've gotten through everything stronger than we were before, and this time, it just feels right!

I am finally fine knowing that things won't always be perfect, but we can get through anything! for the first time in years, my mind is finally at ease!!

Continue with me on this journey!! Check out my earlier post with links to other #Reverb / #WEverb projects, and join the adventure!

Peace and Good JuJu to You,

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