“It always seems impossible until it’s done.” –Nelson Mandela
2014 is over. Wow. I can't believe it. The year of insanity is complete and a fresh start is staring right at me. As I start putting the pieces in place to make the most of 2014, I can't help but breakdown 2014 and look at where I'm coming from. I would have to say, 2014 has been one of the roughest years in recent memory. For multiple reasons. Its hard to keep hiding behind a smile when you are falling apart on the inside - but that's how I got through 2014. In 2015 - I will make the smile genuine and eliminate the pain and anger inside!
2014 started with Family! But also a sad goodbye. I celebrated the New Year with those closest to me, spent the 1st day with my wonderful family and by the 2nd day of the new year I was driving away from Idaho and back to Washington to start the next chapter of my career and my life with the Caveman. It was just as much of a gamble as it was when we had moved to Idaho in the first place. I don't regret leaving, but I do regret not getting the most out of the time I was there and getting to spend as much time as possible with family I rarely see once a year as it is.
2014 started with a new home! And as we moved into our tiny 2 bedroom apartment, we started making plans for our future. Caveman and I decided it was time to start thinking forward and making changes for a great future. A Fresh outlook for him in regards to school, a new opportunity with my job - it was time to be the adults we knew we were and start living that way. We started making the financial decisions necessary to start saving for our own home. And while we didn't accomplish moving in 2014, we are making the changes needed to soon making owning a home a reality.
2014 started with a devastating loss. By the first week of February, I thought my world was going to end. After many months of trying to get pregnant, I finally had a positive test. The excitement was almost too much. I knew I couldn't call it official until I went to the doctor, but I had plans to go as soon as I could get an appointment scheduled! It took everything I had not to tell everyone at the Super Bowl party we attended - but I didn't. And then that's when it happened. Midway through the 3rd quarter of an amazing football game, I started losing the one thing I had wanted all year. Having a miscarriage at the beginning of the year doesn't really help setup hope for a great year. And outside of writing a blog post about it, I really didn't TALK to anyone about it except the Caveman and 2 of my best friends. Which lead to the middle of 2014.
The middle of 2014 was a blur. From my 5 year together-versary with the Caveman (March 2nd) to our 2 year wedding anniversary (August 25th), I felt like I was in a constant state of confusion and blur. While I had celebrations for my 30th Birthday and hung out with some friends, I essentially cut everyone out of my life and focused on just work. I even fell behind in my schooling. It felt like one bad thing happened after another. The events of February constantly sitting on me, preventing me from moving forward, Caveman couldn't get into the school he wanted and had a hard time finding a job, and without any clue why, my step-dad left my mom after 23 years together. I felt like my world was just going to end.
The middle of 2014 was frustrating. My cousin got married and for the first time in YEARS, my ENTIRE family was together. All my cousins and aunts and my Grammy and it was great to have them all together. Being able to be with my family was amazing. And with everything going on with my mom, it was great to have everyone around her to support her. I pushed everything I felt to the side and just wanted to celebrate a great event with my family and show my mom that her family is always by her side and we could get through anything. And then another blow - when my little brother told me that I was going to be an aunt - him and his girlfriend were going to have a baby - due the day before my 31st birthday! There was a rush of excitement for them. I was so thrilled to have a new baby in the family and so excited for the two of them to start this great journey together. And then instantly a rush of jealousy and anger. It was supposed to be ME! I'm the one who has worked hard and been trying to have a baby. It was so difficult for me to get over. I felt like I was finally starting to move forward and what should be amazing news, just put me 2 steps back.
The middle of 2014 was refreshing. By the end of August, I finally got to take time off from work. I had been so focused on my work all year, working tons of extra hours, that I hadn't gotten any time off. I wound up taking a whole week off at the end of August so that Caveman and I could celebrate our 2-year anniversary and then attend a huge Gaming expo. We booked a couple days in Ocean Shores at a hotel on the beach and headed for a weekend of relaxation. And that's where I recovered. That's where my heart healed and decided to move forward. That's where I realized that I have the one thing other people don't have in their lives - Caveman. Through everything I endured, he never missed a beat and was there for me every second! Happy, Sad, Mad, Teary, Laughing - all of it - he was right there. And all he wanted was for me to be happy. How could I not be happy when I have such an amazing person to share my life with?! I took the rest of the week off I had and started putting goals in place for the rest of 2014 to rebuild.
The end of 2014 was rebuilding! After the week off I had at the end of August - I felt rejuvenated. I felt I had everything I needed, I just needed to start small and start rebuilding myself to where I was - and keep moving forward! Caveman finally got into school and secured a much better job. My company took VERY good care of me this year and has made all the sacrifices worth it. My family has never been more supportive of me, and vice versa. I'm finally getting back on track with school and will be graduated by May 2015. I'm getting my health back in order, something that suffered desperately this year. I'm rebuilding friendships I tossed on the back burner for a while. I'm working on bettering myself and organizing my life to make the positive changes I want and need!
2015 will be MY YEAR. I'm on track to make 2015 the most EXPLOSIVELY AWESOME year ever! Caveman and I are taking steps in our careers to secure us for a lifetime. We are taking steps to get a home of our own (no more apartments). And once we get back from a huge vacation in May, we will be taking steps to become parents. I know we will have a family one day, even if it means adopting a child who needs a home. Everything happens for a reason. 2014 needed to happen so that I could find my footing again and hit the road running in 2015!
"You never know what's around the corner. It could be everything. Or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot in front of the other, and then one day you look back and you've climbed a mountain." ~ Tom Hiddleston