Thursday, December 23, 2010

Reverb10: Let Go

What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
Oh wow, this is a pretty deep question. Just like with any other year, I let go of fears, and worries. Tried to release the stresses that cling to me, and tried to move forward with cleansing myself with all the impurities in my life.
This year, I let go of one of the longest friendships I had. For nearly 11 years, I had a wonderful friendship with someone. We shared nearly everything. We knew eachother favorite colors, favorite songs, favorite quotes. We had inside jokes and dozens and dozens of memories together. We went to Senior prom together, we walked together at graduation, and we even spent a whole summer together before I left for college making our friendship, our bond, even stronger.
After high school, after we both started our own lives, we stayed in constant contact. We continued to share nearly everything. We continued to share secrets, to be truthful with one another, and to grow up in the real world together. While we both faced real world life struggles, we continued to rely on eachother for support, for encouragement to keep going and to fight through the hard times.
Last summer, while my friend was going through the toughest times in her life, no real career, having lost custody of her son, she decided to make a change. She reached out for my help, and we developed a plan together. I would do what I could to help her get her life on track, but she had to be willing to put forth the effort and the hard work it took. She understood this, and agreed, and so the plan began.
Whilethe whole situation started rocky, I really felt like things were picking up and starting to get better after a couple months. She was finally away from the bad influences in her life that kept bringing her down and not allowing her to be at her best, away from the people that kept her in a rut, rather than helping her get her life on track and get her son back. While the job situation was difficult, She started to just not try. I did my best to help her with job searches, but she would be more focused on reality tv, and the internet to actually look up jobs.
And then finally, she got a job! We were both excited. It wasn’t ideal, but it paid better than a crummy fast food going no where job, and it was a start. somewhere she could get on her feet from and use it as a stepping stone to something better. With it came sacrifices, and it didnt take long for her to just give up. and without reason.
One of the conditions of me helping, was that we would get a large enough apartment for her to have her own space, but she would need to contribute the cost, and help pay bills. It would help get her prepared to find her own place, and be able to be financially stable on her own.
Shortly after getting a job that would actually help her, and help pay the bills, she just didn’t come home. without saying a word, she moved back in with the people who were horrible influences, she took her job back at the crummy fast food place, and she left me with over $1500 in debt, covering for her rent and bills on a lease she signed, but never honored, and didn’t even have the courtesy to call or even tell me. and to make it worse, she lied to all those around her for almost a month on her true whearabouts and what she was REALLY doing.
Truly devastated. all those years, and all the things we had been through, and to find out that she was wiling to throw it all away, without any concerns or worries whatsoever, for a crummy life WITHOUT her son, a boy she says she “loves more than anything” but isn’t willing to fight for, just blew me away. I have always been a trusting, understanding, and forgiving person. and for the first time in my life, I threw in the towel.
I threw away cards, i deleted photos, i purged many things and memories of her and I, and elimnated her from my life. I bent over backwards to help her, and she manipulated me, used me, and then tossed me aside like yesterdays garbage. This is a friendship that I put my heart and soul into. and to be torn apart like that was the worst feeling ever. I knew by letting go completely, I could move on with my life.
She has since moved to another state, again without her son. She now mooches off someone else, probably until they get tired of her, or see her for who she really is. And from what i’ve heard, she’s still jobless and going nowhere with her life or her goals. I still have contact with her parents, who have custody of her son. I get pictures of him, and I even bought him a Christmas present this year. He is the most precious boy ever and I’m so glad that i still have HIM in my life!
I let go of something that once was one of the most important relationships in my life, and in the end, I’ve kept the best part of it in my life, my Nephew!

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